Dear Caroline,

Lately, as HR Partner, I have been made aware of a non-disclosed romantic workplace relationship that has caused challenges within a team. This has started to negatively impact on team performance due to perceptions of unfairness and favouritism. How do I advise the manager to proceed? 

In recent months, workplace relationships have been heavily spotlighted in the media, often finding their way into the tabloids. While romantic relationships are inherently private and personal, HR should never be positioned as the “relationship police.” In practice, the most common challenge that arises from workplace relationships like you have stated in your question is the perception of favouritism, especially when a reporting line or power imbalance exists. A lot of the time, the grapevine is busier than the issue itself! So, treat carefully and respectfully with this sensitive issue.

Our responsibility as HR Professionals is to respect employees’ right to engage in consensual relationships with whomever they choose, while also ensuring the company has a robust and fair process for relationship disclosure. This allows the business to identify and manage any potential conflicts of interest early, protect team dynamics, and maintain trust in decision-making.

I have seen this go horribly wrong, when not approached with positive intent towards the employees in question, so it would really be something to consider coaching your managers through. I have spoken to colleagues who have been engaged in romantic workplace relationships, and they tell me that the biggest issue for them is fear of being judged and reputational damage. We work with our colleagues for approximately seven to eight hours a day and it becomes a microcosm of our world. It is not surprising that romantic workplace relationships develop and if not managed correctly, not surprising that they can bring about challenges for the business.

Managers are normally the closest people to their team members but if the managers themselves are involved in the potential romantic relationship, it is very tricky. If your company has a relationship disclosure policy in place it would be helpful to perhaps start on a more general basis, such as rolling out refresher training on relationship disclosure to the wider team.

If this does not provide the disclosure and resolve required, I would resort to open and honest conversations. Coaching the leaders of both individuals on facilitating the conversation would be key. It would be important to not use language that is accusatory but rather exploring the concern in an open way.

Questions like the following might be used: 

• “Recently, I have noticed some actions/behaviours etc that may suggest that there may be some perceptions on favouritism in the team you support with. Can you help me to understand where this might be stemming from”?
  (Bear in mind any allegations made towards individuals cannot be made anonymously as they have the right to cross examination, so you need to be cautious with your wording here)
   
  
• “If there are perceptions, such as exclusive behaviour or conversations/body language (for example X) that are perceived to be less than professional for a non-romantic workplace relationship, it can negatively impact trust within the team.  Can I just remind you of the Relationship Disclosure Policy we have in place that protects employees from experiencing a conflict of interest in reporting relationships at work and advises of the right steps to take in the event that a romantic relationship begins.”

If the individuals choose to disclosure the relationship at this point, then you can advise of the right steps to take to remove the conflict of interest such as:

1. Change of reporting line
   
2. Change of department or role (If available)
   
3. Any other steps required to remove the conflict of interest from escalating to ensure all parties can continue to operate professionally within the reporting line.

I just want to draw your attention here to respecting the dignity of the individuals in question. It is a sensitive topic and its important that its approached with care, compassion and with a view to supporting the individuals resolve the conflict of interest.

I hope this helps! Wishing you all a very happy Valentine's Day!

If you have a question for Dear Caroline, send it to our employment law hub. All letters are anonymised and adapted to protect confidentiality. Please insert one HR issue into your request.

Disclaimer: While every effort is made to ensure the accuracy of the information provided, this column offers general commentary only. It is not legal advice. HR practitioners and employers should obtain independent advice in relation to particular issues.

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