Feedback is the most effective way for us to learn more about ourselves and the effect that our behaviour has on other people. Therefore, it is important to know – both in the workplace and elsewhere - how to give, and how to receive it. Dr Gerry McMahon provides us with guidelines which may be useful for getting the best out of the overall feedback system and summarises with a 4 point checklist.

Some years ago, I returned home late after a hard day at work, feeling very sorry for myself. On entering the kitchen, I was confronted by my 7-year-old son, who proceeded to give me a ’5-point plan’ on how I needed to restructure my personality! Months later I relayed this incident to a trusted friend, who – after pausing for a bit – asked: ‘Did you thank him for the feedback?’. In truth, I was more inclined to throttle than thank him. But – yet again - my good friend was right.

Feedback is the most effective way for us to learn more about ourselves and the effect that our behaviour has on other people. On receipt of such feedback, one can assess its value, the consequences of ignoring/using it, and decide what to do, if anything, as a result of it.  If one is not open to it and does not receive it, the scope for learning and development is significantly impaired.

Constructive feedback increases self-awareness, offers options and encourages development.  Therefore, it is important to know – both in the workplace and elsewhere - how to give, and how to receive it.  Feedback can span the positive and the negative. Positive feedback is encouraging and normally enables the continuation of the preferred behaviour. Negative feedback – more diplomatically called ‘constructive criticism’ - given skilfully, can also be very important and useful - particularly when it is delivered in a manner that enables the subject or listener to do the self-analysis, reaching the learning points via their own assessment.  However, destructive feedback is of no real value to anybody.  This is information which is badly conveyed and leaves the listener feeling upset, resentful and with nothing to build on.

As every successful Performance Management meeting – and many normal human interactions - involve the receipt, as well as the conveyance, of feedback, the following guidelines may be useful for getting the best out of the meeting and the overall system:

• Listen carefully to the feedback, rather than immediately rejecting or arguing with it.  Whilst it may be uncomfortable to hear, one is better off knowing what the other person thinks.  Of course, one is also entitled to their own opinion and can consequently choose to accept or reject another party’s observation(s). Having listened, one may address the relevant issue(s) should they consider them appropriate.
• Ensure accuracy in the ‘take-up’ of the feedback.  To protect against misinterpretations or inaccuracy, it is useful to paraphrase and comment on the relevant observation(s) - rather than jumping to conclusions or becoming defensive. That is, clarify exactly what the issue(s) are. Asking for some practical examples of how and when you displayed an appropriate or inappropriate behaviour can help to bring the feedback to life and ‘make it real’.
• Take time to consider a response. One might write up the feedback and consider it with care before responding, or simply take it away and evaluate it at leisure.
• Ask others – especially associates or friends that one can trust to ‘talk straight’, as opposed to those who will say what they think one might like to hear.  That is, it is useful to check out the feedback with others (i.e. ‘real’ friends).  This may confirm what one has been told or that others experience us differently.  Ultimately, it will provide the employee/reviewee with a more balanced view and help to keep the feedback in perspective.
• The employee/reviewee can now decide whether they agree or disagree with the feedback. If one agrees, they may wish to comment on its significance or impact. That is, address the questions: What will be done with the (accurate) feedback? In what way will change take effect to ensure that such (negative) feedback (or constructive criticism) doesn’t materialise again?
• Ask for feedback. Feedback is so crucial that if one is not getting it, it is entirely appropriate to ask for it.  This applies to seeking feedback on all work and developmental issues of relevance or importance to an employee/reviewee. Feedback is an important part of learning.

Summary Checklist: How to receive feedback

1. Listen carefully to the feedback.
2. Ensure accuracy in the ‘take up’ of the feedback.
3. Ask others, to check how representative the feedback is.
4. Look for feedback, to enable your personal development

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Dr Gerry McMahon is speaking at the following HR events in Dublin:

Ireland's HR Symposium - 7th March 2019, Crowne Plaza Hotel, Blanchardstown, Dublin

Dignity at Work - How to Respond to Bullying and Harassment - 20th March 2019, Radisson Blu Hotel, Dublin Airport

Successful Selection Interviewing - 9th May 2019, Radisson Blu Hotel, Dublin Airport